the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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