Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
