Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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