i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my sisters under your porch take her home
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
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Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
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My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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