I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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