hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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