how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
