Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
