Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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