So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The best revenge is premature balding
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
