oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
