I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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