Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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