Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
