What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
