Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
