Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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