My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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