Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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