Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
