I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
