We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
