working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
