I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
should my penis look like a turkey
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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