Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
