im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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