I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
