So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
