my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
