Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
