those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
