At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
