I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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