I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
