she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
