when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
