then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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