There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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