Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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