so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
