Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
