Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
