dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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