if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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