My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
