Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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