Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
