Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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