I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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