She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
