we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
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When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
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Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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