i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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