Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
