i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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