Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
pop tarts are not kleenex
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just blew my weed a kiss
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
