you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
