porn star boner night. come get it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
