you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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