As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
