when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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