i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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