babies were throwing up all over the place
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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