I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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