my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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