Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
