My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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