I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
