17 year olds will be the death of me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
