Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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