i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
