i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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