I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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