wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
