White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
