1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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