i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
